In September it transpired that a lot of things in school were changing. The changes meant that the person they had given the job to might not want it any more. Upon hearing this, the words “I will do it” left my mouth before I had any time to think. So there was more waiting, more hanging on the line, hoping, dreaming, and another “no” at the end of it. At this time my favourite child left the class, and I started to wonder whether perhaps it wasn’t meant to be after all. Even so, I decided to go part-time on the course, just so that I would have enough time to take on the class in case I needed to. Why I would need to I didn’t know, but it did my heart good to feel prepared.

In October school finally started (late), and I ended up being the assistant in that class for the second half of the morning. I walked in, on the first day, with an open heart and an open mind, just waiting to see whether the class felt ‘mine’ or not. It didn’t. By that point that came as a pleasant surprise; to have to walk every day into a class that felt mine and yet was taught by somebody else would have been a nightmare. And so October went by in a happy haze of busyness. Working at that school felt like the right thing to do; still; despite the fact that I couldn’t make sense of what had happened, despite the fact that I had never been wrong about anything so important before and I just couldn’t imagine that I had been wrong this time, either. I just put that whole matter aside for a while. If nothing else, the way things had turned out, I got to wake up at the luxurious time of 8.30 am. I wasn’t too keen to change that.

You can see where this is going, too, can’t you?

It changed. Because after October came half-term, and after half-term came November, and the Class One teacher decided to leave, at the same time as the school’s little world was turning upside-down. And something funny happened then — the moment the class had no teacher, it felt mine all over again. I felt that familiar kick in the gut that meant ‘I have to be there for them’, I had to make sure they’d be okay. There were options, there were opinions, there were concerns, there were secrets, there were doubts; and in the the end, there were some decisions, too. The whole thing got very complicated for a while, and a great many feelings were hurt, many times over.

And at the end of it all came December. When I became the Class One teacher.